Tag: hiding my profile

Thoughts on a Lazy Saturday Morning

I’ve been sitting on my thoughts, thinking about what I would post in the future, when the kinks here at my new home were all worked out.  But dammit.  I have lots of shit to do today and I don’t want to wait anymore.  If it turns out that this transtion continues to take longer than I thought it would then, well, there’s not a lot I can do about it.  Technical difficulties and poor planning and whatnot.  It’s the story of my life.

I hear that I may lose some of my prolific commenters because they either do not want to or cannot register with onsugar. That’s a shame.  I’m really upset by it.  As you know, one of the things that I enjoy about this blog is the interaction with my readers.  I plan on emailing the nice woman in tech support who’s been helping me all week to see what I can do (??) and I guess, if my comment box continues to remain empty I can always move again.  I now own my domain name and so I can move as many times as it takes without it affecting my readers (I think?).

Now, on to my lovelife.  Which, by the way, is starting to resemble a LOVE LIFE. Note the caps,bold, underline and red on that statement.  Mr. Potential used the phrase ‘making love’ to refer to what we were doing the other night (most of the night and all morning, btw, for those of you who don’t follow me on Twitter).  And I wasn’t astonished.

I use fucking as my default verb for sex.  And quite frankly, that’s what I’m usually doing when I’m having sex.  When I have found myself sexually incompatible with men in the past (men I was dating) it was more than likely because there was too little fucking going on.  Mr, Potential used the phrase making love, but it wasn’t, I don’t think, to be polite or decorous.  I think he meant, making love when he said ‘making love’.  And yes, of course, we were when he said it.

We are still getting to know each other. There are still so many unknowns, for both of us.  And there are still some potential dealbreakers in the closet, unfortunately. But so far I am extremely hopeful. He’s been nothing but wonderful to me.  It’s been years since I could say that about any man that I’ve known for a whole month (wow, that’s sad).

So here’s my last thought for this lazy Saturday morning – I hid my online profile last night.  This is a huge deal for me.  I just realized that I have no interest in going on any more first dates for a while.  Until I know whether or not things are going to work with Mr. Potential.  Until those potential dealbreakers come out of the closet and we see how we’re going to cope with them, together.  Until then I just want to focus on my life, my writing and my relationship with him.  Those other guys can wait.  If it turns out that Mr. Potential was just another bump in the road of my single-ness, they’ll all still be out there in hookup dating land when I’m done figuring it out.  Of course, Mr. Potential hasn’t hidden his profile yet.  And I’m sure that sometime in the next 24-72 hours he’ll realize that I’ve hidden mine.  And then he’ll have to react.  Or not.  Either way, it’s going to chance things.  Or not.

Oh yeah, I’m going to get lots done today.

OK – There’s More to the Story

Dec06

I didn’t just decide to hide my profile out of nowhere.  It was a reaction to the events of the prior 24 hours.  One big one.

Except it wasn’t big.  It was little.  I think it was little. Oh, I have no fucking clue.

Here’s what happened:  We were on the subway, on our way to my surprise event – which, btw, was perfect. Mr. Potential had remembered a conversation he and I had had the week before about some background music in a restaurant or cafe when a certain artist came on.  We talked about the artist and an album from a long time ago.  He got us amazing tickets to see that artist at a benefit concert.  So we’re on the subway (it was a longish ride) and I asked him if he’d finalized his plans for the holidays.  When last we spoke about it he wasn’t sure he was going to be able to visit his family because of work obligations.

He said he still wasn’t sure.  That he didn’t really want to go anyway.  I nodded in understanding.  I’m a local girl.  I see my family all of the time. I can’t imagine how hard it must be to have to spend an intense week with family just once or twice a year because they live on the other side of the country or the world.  And then he said something like, “I’d rather go somewhere with you.  Are you free?  We can do something together.”

Those weren’t his exact words, but that’s what he said.  I was so caught off guard.  I didn’t react at all.  No smile, nothing.  I just stared at him as if he didn’t say anything at all.  I just didn’t know how to take it.  Was he serious?  Was it an off the cuff joke?  Was he testing the waters?

I put it out of my mind until I got home the next day.  And then it started to weigh on me.  This wasn’t new territory for me. I’ve had guys make statements like that before, shortly after we started seeing each other.  Once, a long, long time ago, I had a bf ask me to move in with him less than 48 hours after we met.  And I know that most of the times guys don’t mean this shit.  ‘Let’s spend the holidays together’ can just as easily mean ‘I can’t wait to see you naked, later on tonight’ as it does ‘let’s spend the holidays together’.  But Mr. Potential has given me no reason to believe that he is nothing but a decent, honest fellow who means what he says.  So there is an off chance that he meant it when he said it.  And I blew him off.

So when I hid my profile, it was my way of saying, “I really, really like you. Really.”

Alright?

So now I really do have to get some grown up writing done today.

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