Yeah, I watched Sex in the City. Not first run, ’cause I don’t have cable, but in reruns. One of the episodes that made an impression on me is when Carrie was hired to teach a Learning Annex class on where to meet men. Hundreds of women show up, and of course she has nothing new or insightful to tell them. I can relate to the women in that audience in a way that I never could to the 4 characters on the show. They represented the real single women of Manhattan. They didn’t have thousands of dollars to spend on designer clothes and shoes and bags and they didn’t get invited to trendy night club openings. But they were there, trying, willing to try anything, even willing to shell out a few bucks and humiliate themselves by showing up at a Learning Annex class because they were tired of being single. They didn’t see single-ness as a great adventure, to be chronicled in a weekly column or blogged about. They were lonely.
Hierarchy
Writing in response to my Circling Back Around entry a few days back, cjwss suggested that I come up with some kind of hierarchy of categories, as right now I am assessing every guy I go out with as an applicant for future life partner status.
Waking Up With Someone
I can’t imagine living somewhere that didn’t have seasons. I love it when the leaves change colors. I love the cool spring nights. I love the snow. I even love the sticky New York summers, when I need to hang out by the river to stay cool.
But I do hate how cold the mornings are in the winter. These last couple of weeks have been the first really cold weeks. Each day, I pull my covers around myself tightly as my alarm goes off in the morning and think, “damn, I hate waking up alone”. ‘Cause you see, someone lying next to me, cuddling, would keep me warm. That’s not the only thing that someone would be good for, mind you, but with the mornings as cold as they are, that’s what I’m thinking about first.
Let me be crystal clear here, I am super picky about who is allowed to spend the night in my bed. Fuck buddies don’t get to spend the night. Not even if I’ve known them for years (which happens to he the case for one of them). Not casual flings either. Not even potential bfs. The only guys I spend the night with are bonafide boyfriends. That means I have already decided that this is someone I care a lot about. He’s no longer auditioning for a role in my life. He’s earned it.
I wasn’t always so much of a hardass about this. I’ve taken the walk of shame more than a couple of times (The walk of shame, for those of you who’ve never heard the phrase is when you spend the night with someone you weren’t planning to, maybe because you just picked them up. You spend the night at their place w/o any of your stuff and wake up w/o toothbrush, hairbrush or any grooming products and have to go home in last nights clothes looking like something the cat spit up.) And I’ve let guys I didn’t know too well spend the night at my place. Then it hit me a few years ago. Fucking is about fun, but sleeping with someone , and waking up with them was actually about intimacy and that why couldn’t I just be clear about having one w/o the other. Have my cake and eat it too. So I have sex when I want to with whom I want to (not just any random person, you know anyone I felt attracted to and wanted to meet and fuck for whatever reason – I don’t consider that random as I’m kind of picky) but only SLEEP with my boyfriends.
It’s nearing a year since my last LTR imploded. That’s a really long time to be sleeping alone. I’ve gone longer, sure. But still, it’s a really long time. It feels like a really long time. And the fact that it’s so freaking cold right now and I wake up every morning wishing for that body next to me, it’s not helping things.
Waking Up With Someone
I can’t imagine living somewhere that didn’t have seasons. I love it when the leaves change colors. I love the cool spring nights. I love the snow. I even love the sticky New York summers, when I need to hang out by the river to stay cool.
But I do hate how cold the mornings are in the winter. These last couple of weeks have been the first really cold weeks. Each day, I pull my covers around myself tightly as my alarm goes off in the morning and think, “damn, I hate waking up alone”. ‘Cause you see, someone lying next to me, cuddling, would keep me warm. That’s not the only thing that someone would be good for, mind you, but with the mornings as cold as they are, that’s what I’m thinking about first.
Let me be crystal clear here, I am super picky about who is allowed to spend the night in my bed. Fuck buddies don’t get to spend the night. Not even if I’ve known them for years (which happens to he the case for one of them). Not casual flings either. Not even potential bfs. The only guys I spend the night with are bonafide boyfriends. That means I have already decided that this is someone I care a lot about. He’s no longer auditioning for a role in my life. He’s earned it.
I wasn’t always so much of a hardass about this. I’ve taken the walk of shame more than a couple of times (The walk of shame, for those of you who’ve never heard the phrase is when you spend the night with someone you weren’t planning to, maybe because you just picked them up. You spend the night at their place w/o any of your stuff and wake up w/o toothbrush, hairbrush or any grooming products and have to go home in last nights clothes looking like something the cat spit up.) And I’ve let guys I didn’t know too well spend the night at my place. Then it hit me a few years ago. Fucking is about fun, but sleeping with someone and waking up with them was actually about intimacy and that why couldn’t I just be clear about having one w/o the other. Have my cake and eat it too. So I have sex when I want to with whom I want to (not just any random person, you know anyone I felt attracted to and wanted to fuck for whatever reason – I don’t consider that random as I’m kind of picky) but only SLEEP with my boyfriends.
It’s nearing a year since my last LTR imploded. That’s a really long time to be sleeping alone. I’ve gone longer, sure. But still, it’s a really long time. It feels like a really long time. And the fact that it’s so freaking cold right now and I wake up every morning wishing for that body next to me, it’s not helping things.
Mishaps Happen and the Magic of 3
So I had to cancel my date tonight. I live in one of those wonderful old buildings in NYC that everything thinks is charming. And it is. Except that the plumbing is old, too, and several times a winter we are without heat and hot water for hours at a time. It was that way when I woke up this morning and I just blew it off and assumed it would be fixed when I got home. It wasn’t. I called the super to find out that the repairman was “on his way” (why just then and not earlier?). Anyway, I REALLY didn’t want to go out and meet this guy with dirty hair.
It wasn’t an excuse either. This was someone I wanted to meet. Really wanted to meet. Was actually looking forward to meeting. It’s not my fault I live in a building with a crappy boiler (well I guess it is my fault, but moving in NYC is out of the question).
He acted cool about it and said it was fine if we rescheduled, but we don’t have an actual day/time so I’m still not sure he doesn’t think I’m blowing him off. Oh well, there’s nothing I can do about it if he thinks that. Though I did send him a cute, “wish we were having drinks now” text a little while ago. We’ll see.
Ugh. Just not my day, I guess.
And now for a completely different topic, a lovely man I men on twitter (you know who you are) thinks he knows the perfect guy for me. A friend of his. So ‘set-up SINgleGIRL’ is back on. That other set up from that other blogger seems to have disappeared. But just so you all know, I’m still here and I’ll still game. I think Mr. Potential has potential and all, but we’re a long way from me being his GF. Lots of dating left to do.
And now for our last topic of the day (topic number 3) -Thank You. Thank you for reading my blog. I know that on any given day the majority of my readers are returning readers, people who come back over and over. I so appreciate you and your interest in my writing and my life. Writing this blog had brought me unexpected pleasure and for that I am thankful. I don’t know if I would find it quite so enjoyable if no one were reading and commenting. There’s something about the reader interaction that I find really neat (neat? ).