Category: dating


I try to politely let guys down when I’m not interested in them. I think it’s kind of rude to just stop answering emails or to not return phone calls.

There are times when this policy falls by the wayside. If someone’s been rude or nasty to me, or just unpleasant, well, I might be less likely to follow through. I know that’s kind of pathetic. I should treat everyone the way I’d like to be treated. That’s the way I try to live. Try that for a dating rule – just treat your dates the way you’d like to be treated. How novel.

Just to be clear, this only applies to guys I’ve actually met. Not the guys I meet online and then never meet for one reason or another.

Anyway, a few months ago I sent someone what I thought was a polite, “no thank you” email. I wasn’t interested in seeing him anymore. And frankly, he’d been a jerk to me. Most women would’ve just blown him off. But I tried to end things politely. That’s just me.

He replied with a pretty vicious email. It was a classic case of sour grapes. He said I was a bitter, old, lonely woman and no one would ever want me. Or something like that. I didn’t save the email.

I didn’t take him seriously, because I knew that what he said wasn’t true. I’m not bitter (lonely and old, well…). I know what bitter feels like. I’ve felt it in the past. I hope to never feel it again, but I know that I’m not immune.

Earlier this evening, Getting Single mentioned on Twitter that she had a friend who’s been single for 8 months who has fallen into the ‘bitter single category’. I feel for that friend. Bitter is a bad place to be and hard place to get out of.

I don’t want to dwell, though. This isn’t one of those posts. Yeah, sometimes life sucks and it can be hard to not internalize it all. And then the smart people in the world find something that reminds them that life doesn’t actually suck. Not all the time. And we move on. We get out of the bitter place.

Today’s Song of the Day is Bitter, by Jill Sobule, btw.

The Weekend is Over

‘m not quite sure I have anything new to report.

Mr. Potential sent me a very sweet email yesterday morning, to which I replied, and an even sweeter text today(and then we texted back and forth for a while). Yet, we don’t have plans to see each other again and I have to say that annoys me. I really don’t like taking the lead on that stuff. Which is silly because every bad boyfriend I ever had did the whole ‘sweep me off my feet thing’ to a T. You’d think I’d want just the opposite now. But I don’t. Not really.

I’ve made it super clear (I think) that I like him. When I didn’t invite him up on Friday night I specifically said, “not tonight”. And I respond affectionately to all of his texts and emails. I’m going to just try to be patient for the next couple of days and see what happens. If an invitation doesn’t come along for something, then I’ll act.

In other pseudo- news: The Freelance reappeared. I didn’t hear from him all week, after our pretty good date last Friday night and our follow up emails last weekend. Then nothing Monday – Friday. By Thursday I’d pretty much written him off. I figured he just wasn’t that into me and well, whatever. There are way too many fish in the sea to get freaked out about a guy I’ve gone out with twice and never even kissed.

Then he called me yesterday afternoon and left me a vm (I didn’t hear the phone). I sent him an email as a reply. I started with, “I thought you disappeared”, but made it clear I wasn’t mad and that he should try giving me a ring today. Which he did, and we spoke. It was an awkward call, neither of us are much for phone chatter. He eventually got around to asking me out, and so we have plans to get together one night this week. Though, like last time, all we have is a night – no specific plans, no time, no place. Argh.

Then there are a couple of other guys still out there in cyber space that I’m kind of interested in. One of them is someone I was supposed to meet a long time ago but because of bad timing and unfortunate circumstances in both of our lives we were never able to do it before. I think we might meet this week.

So basically, I’m optimistic about Mr. Potential but if he doesn’t work out I have plans B, C, and D. But that’s nothing new. I guess the only new thing I have to report is that somehow I’ve let the whole weekend pass me by and I still haven’t gotten half way down my to do list. How the hell did that happen?

Mishaps Happen and the Magic of 3

So I had to cancel my date tonight. I live in one of those wonderful old buildings in NYC that everything thinks is charming. And it is. Except that the plumbing is old, too, and several times a winter we are without heat and hot water for hours at a time. It was that way when I woke up this morning and I just blew it off and assumed it would be fixed when I got home. It wasn’t. I called the super to find out that the repairman was “on his way” (why just then and not earlier?). Anyway, I REALLY didn’t want to go out and meet this guy with dirty hair.

It wasn’t an excuse either. This was someone I wanted to meet. Really wanted to meet. Was actually looking forward to meeting. It’s not my fault I live in a building with a crappy boiler (well I guess it is my fault, but moving in NYC is out of the question).

He acted cool about it and said it was fine if we rescheduled, but we don’t have an actual day/time so I’m still not sure he doesn’t think I’m blowing him off. Oh well, there’s nothing I can do about it if he thinks that. Though I did send him a cute, “wish we were having drinks now” text a little while ago. We’ll see.

Ugh. Just not my day, I guess.

And now for a completely different topic, a lovely man I men on twitter (you know who you are) thinks he knows the perfect guy for me. A friend of his. So ‘set-up SINgleGIRL’ is back on. That other set up from that other blogger seems to have disappeared. But just so you all know, I’m still here and I’ll still game. I think Mr. Potential has potential and all, but we’re a long way from me being his GF. Lots of dating left to do.

And now for our last topic of the day (topic number 3) -Thank You. Thank you for reading my blog. I know that on any given day the majority of my readers are returning readers, people who come back over and over. I so appreciate you and your interest in my writing and my life. Writing this blog had brought me unexpected pleasure and for that I am thankful. I don’t know if I would find it quite so enjoyable if no one were reading and commenting. There’s something about the reader interaction that I find really neat (neat? ).

Dear Santa

I am so not into the holidays. Not Thanksgiving or Xmas/Hanukkah (same difference). And I’m perfectly happy to forgo all of the traditions that go with them, including the gifts exchange. It’s just all so forced.

So needless to say I didn’t rush out to shop the Black Friday sales. I’d rather walk on broken glass.

However, I did take a few minutes to think up my own personal wish list and as usual, none of the things I want can be bought in stores.

Please oh please oh please can I start that healthy relationship sometime soon? I know that it’s going to take a lot of work from me. That I’m going to have to unlearn a lot of my old habits and learn some new ones. I’m totally game and completely ready.

And about the guy. I’ve already written about my needs and wants.Well, I have one more thing to add to the list. Just one. I’d like the guy to be someone I can be completely honest with. That means I can tell him about this blog (after we’re really comfortable with one another) and if he wants to he can read it and he’d be totally cool with it. Totally cool. And I could tell him about everything I’ve ever done and ever wanted to do (if it came up) and he’d be cool with that too. No fibbing.

The last thing on my wish list has nothing to do with men or sex or relationships. It belongs on this list, but not on this blog. I’ve been trying to ride the wave of a major career transition over the last year. It was my choice, I initiated it. And, of course, nothing has gone the way I thought it might. My wish is that things start to get a little easier. See, I’m not asking for a miracle. No big book contract or surprise benefactor. Just for things to get a little easier.

That’s it. Just those 3 little things. Zero dollar value on any of them. I don’t think it’s too much to ask for.

BTW, I have a date with The Freelancer tonight. Details as it happens on Twitter.

Thoughts on a Lazy Saturday Morning

I’ve been sitting on my thoughts, thinking about what I would post in the future, when the kinks here at my new home were all worked out.  But dammit.  I have lots of shit to do today and I don’t want to wait anymore.  If it turns out that this transtion continues to take longer than I thought it would then, well, there’s not a lot I can do about it.  Technical difficulties and poor planning and whatnot.  It’s the story of my life.

I hear that I may lose some of my prolific commenters because they either do not want to or cannot register with onsugar. That’s a shame.  I’m really upset by it.  As you know, one of the things that I enjoy about this blog is the interaction with my readers.  I plan on emailing the nice woman in tech support who’s been helping me all week to see what I can do (??) and I guess, if my comment box continues to remain empty I can always move again.  I now own my domain name and so I can move as many times as it takes without it affecting my readers (I think?).

Now, on to my lovelife.  Which, by the way, is starting to resemble a LOVE LIFE. Note the caps,bold, underline and red on that statement.  Mr. Potential used the phrase ‘making love’ to refer to what we were doing the other night (most of the night and all morning, btw, for those of you who don’t follow me on Twitter).  And I wasn’t astonished.

I use fucking as my default verb for sex.  And quite frankly, that’s what I’m usually doing when I’m having sex.  When I have found myself sexually incompatible with men in the past (men I was dating) it was more than likely because there was too little fucking going on.  Mr, Potential used the phrase making love, but it wasn’t, I don’t think, to be polite or decorous.  I think he meant, making love when he said ‘making love’.  And yes, of course, we were when he said it.

We are still getting to know each other. There are still so many unknowns, for both of us.  And there are still some potential dealbreakers in the closet, unfortunately. But so far I am extremely hopeful. He’s been nothing but wonderful to me.  It’s been years since I could say that about any man that I’ve known for a whole month (wow, that’s sad).

So here’s my last thought for this lazy Saturday morning – I hid my online profile last night.  This is a huge deal for me.  I just realized that I have no interest in going on any more first dates for a while.  Until I know whether or not things are going to work with Mr. Potential.  Until those potential dealbreakers come out of the closet and we see how we’re going to cope with them, together.  Until then I just want to focus on my life, my writing and my relationship with him.  Those other guys can wait.  If it turns out that Mr. Potential was just another bump in the road of my single-ness, they’ll all still be out there in hookup dating land when I’m done figuring it out.  Of course, Mr. Potential hasn’t hidden his profile yet.  And I’m sure that sometime in the next 24-72 hours he’ll realize that I’ve hidden mine.  And then he’ll have to react.  Or not.  Either way, it’s going to chance things.  Or not.

Oh yeah, I’m going to get lots done today.

OK – There’s More to the Story


I didn’t just decide to hide my profile out of nowhere.  It was a reaction to the events of the prior 24 hours.  One big one.

Except it wasn’t big.  It was little.  I think it was little. Oh, I have no fucking clue.

Here’s what happened:  We were on the subway, on our way to my surprise event – which, btw, was perfect. Mr. Potential had remembered a conversation he and I had had the week before about some background music in a restaurant or cafe when a certain artist came on.  We talked about the artist and an album from a long time ago.  He got us amazing tickets to see that artist at a benefit concert.  So we’re on the subway (it was a longish ride) and I asked him if he’d finalized his plans for the holidays.  When last we spoke about it he wasn’t sure he was going to be able to visit his family because of work obligations.

He said he still wasn’t sure.  That he didn’t really want to go anyway.  I nodded in understanding.  I’m a local girl.  I see my family all of the time. I can’t imagine how hard it must be to have to spend an intense week with family just once or twice a year because they live on the other side of the country or the world.  And then he said something like, “I’d rather go somewhere with you.  Are you free?  We can do something together.”

Those weren’t his exact words, but that’s what he said.  I was so caught off guard.  I didn’t react at all.  No smile, nothing.  I just stared at him as if he didn’t say anything at all.  I just didn’t know how to take it.  Was he serious?  Was it an off the cuff joke?  Was he testing the waters?

I put it out of my mind until I got home the next day.  And then it started to weigh on me.  This wasn’t new territory for me. I’ve had guys make statements like that before, shortly after we started seeing each other.  Once, a long, long time ago, I had a bf ask me to move in with him less than 48 hours after we met.  And I know that most of the times guys don’t mean this shit.  ‘Let’s spend the holidays together’ can just as easily mean ‘I can’t wait to see you naked, later on tonight’ as it does ‘let’s spend the holidays together’.  But Mr. Potential has given me no reason to believe that he is nothing but a decent, honest fellow who means what he says.  So there is an off chance that he meant it when he said it.  And I blew him off.

So when I hid my profile, it was my way of saying, “I really, really like you. Really.”


So now I really do have to get some grown up writing done today.